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  • Somewhere There's a Nothing I'm a Part of

    Somewhere There's a Nothing I'm a Part of

    By Elaine Kahn

    the status bar circles my iris 

    it isn’t insurmountable
    or permanent

    though, boundaries do exist 

    you don’t dissolve by going through them
    and I went   

    are lovers people? 

    what I mean is
    shit
    wept from the gutter
    is a kind of present 

    of desire of
    the sexuality
    of death 

    like, they control me
    into me 

    but I am more
    and other things 

    I am alive
    so I stay up all night

    enjoying feeling
    sick with pleasure
    I read Dolores O’Riordan’s natal chart
    we have hardly anything
    in common

    I want to be more
    than anything I want  

    if I listen carefully to certain music
    I can just remember what it’s like
    to live
    inside the perfect closeness
    of another’s breath 

    it seems extraterrestrial
    in hindsight  

    Dolores said
    I’ll miss you when you’re gone
    and I think of this
    while scraping 3-day-old smashed cockroach
    from the sun-bleached wooden floor of my apartment 

    it’s like the refrain
    or the stain of the refrain

    I don’t pay it too much mind 

    there is real joy
    in understanding 

    no one else is going to do it for you

    I want so much long fake hair
    and I want to win a dance off 

    I want to be disciplined
    and prompt, I want 

    to cum
    by barely even moving

    desire really can be simple

     --

    via Granta